Wednesday, April 1, 2009

AFD 2009

National News

A California based company has build a new freeway, known to some as "DC's Third Beltway". The road cuts through parts of Loundon and Fairfax counties in Virgina, and the Maryland counties of Montgomery and Howard.There is direct correlation, claims advocate for the poor Melissa Pauvre. These four counties are on the top-ten richest counties list. Not just that, she claims, but the company wishes to charge $50 per car to use the new road.

Now talk about Lexus Lanes. Company owner Mr. Alfredo claims that this is just an example of the free market. "If there is a need,people will use it. Now 50 dollars is much smaller than most speeding tickets, and I remind everyone that there is no speed limit on this road. Using this road is like buying a Lambourgini or a Ferrari. It's mostly for show. Anyway, it's a small luxury for these tough economic times." Mr. Zhou, a Potomac, MD resident who had part of his yard taken away by eminent domain, was asked in an Asian language what he felt about this road. HE replied in a way that resembled "Ching-Chong". It was later reported that he disapproved of this "evil devil".

So, if you want to use these lanes, Mr. Alfredo recommended following the signs with a suitcase of money on them. Or, as he added, "to follow the Lexus ahead of you".

International News

The Iranian government has condemned the Model United Nations program. For those who do not know, students play roles as representatives from countries assigned to them, and often consume much Starbucks in the process. This came after a closing ceremony video was released showing a delegate representing Iran admitting that he was a "fat, ignorant, intolerant, drunk pig at a recent conference in Saginaw, MI. The Iranian representative said that he "did not drink, and has no resemblance to an American pig such as that boy". The boy has issued an apology by proclaiming that he will never run in his life, so he can't say "I ran".

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